Sunday, June 1, 2008

Intellectual and emotional frustrations taken out in meanacing diction

Grrr. I am pissed at life. I am pissed at the suburbs and living in the middle of nowhere and stagflation caused by rising oil prices. I want to be able to step outside my doorstep and take a walk down a busy street, people watch, and generally entertain myself rather than sitting on my ass, bored, not wanting to drive anywhere, hating myself for my ridiculous fear of the phone.

I am tired of people flaking on me. I feel like I have no friends since I got home; at least none that can actually do anything. I am a little bit of a hypocrite on that front, but still it empties my bucket when everyone has something to do and I don't. So I end up doing nothing but errands for other people. This is leaving out the numerous hours of bike riding that I have been doing--but still, the rest of my day seems so mindless.

Two days ago I still wasn't quite bored. I was still relishing the wonderful idea of not having to do much. Now I am bored. I wish I had a job, or a purpose. It is not like it was last summer. Everyone has dispersed, or just plain ditched me for younger, hotter, easier girls.

I miss having someone to talk to (surprise?). I miss Diana. I miss not having any time to watch television. I miss the subway and new streets to explore and new people to meet.

I am so cynical. I know as soon as I go to New York I am going to miss my family and my house and be tired of working all the time with no time to ride my bike. But right now I just want a schedule. I miss my Google calendar, and actually having to look at it to remember all of the things that I had to get done.

God, I am so awkward. Hawkward. Awkward fucking terradactyl.

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