I am sitting on my bed, laying really, surfing the net, thoroughly enjoying an activity that was driving me up the wall just a few days ago. It is amazing what the simple fact that I CAN get up and leave if I so desire will do for my mentality. I do love sitting her comfortably, enjoying the cool California breeze that is blowing through my window. In two days that breeze will be banished from my life for a good four months or so, until the first breaths of winter start to drift in off the river through my Claremont St. window.
But, save for the weather, how I am looking forward to returning to New York. It is a weird emotion that I am feeling. Living in Brooklyn is going to be terribly exciting, work sounds like it should be fun (fingers crossed), and I have so many friends to go back to. At this point, I can't really figure out if I am leaving home or going home. I am leaving family and the comfort of being completely secure in Ventura, but this summer has been a wake-up call for how much I no longer fit in around here. I haven't been to the skating rink but once, my first day back. I barely have any friends left here. I don't have a job or a purpose for being here, other than to kill some time and enjoy the sun. I am fabulously relaxed heading back to the city, but it has been more like a very familiar vacation. I have made myself happy by having a comfortable bed, my own room and privacy, peace and quiet, biking on the beach, and BodyPump at the gym. But my life has gone nowhere in the last month. I have learned some things, but I am so programed to learn that five minutes sitting by myself in a plain white room could teach me something. Much of it is just a renewal of what I already know.
In the process of leaving and coming back and leaving again, I am slowly learning to be slightly nomadic. I can live out of whatever happens to fit in my suitcase (plus my bike).
I have also learned that boys in Ventura let me down. Always. Without fail. No male in Ventura has so far been worth it. Not that I have much better luck in New York, but at least there is more potential there. Oddly enough, New York brings out the optimist in me. My cynicism stems from a deep-rooted disdain for Ventura's stifling nature.