I was sitting in an exam room, the second one I'd been in in two days (ER yesterday for dehydration!), and the doctor was laughing at me. It's a little bit funny, because just a day or two before I had been thinking that I don't have enough humor in my life lately. But to go to the doctor with what you think is a serious problem and have him laugh it off--I was a bit taken aback. So I did what I do in any uncomfortable situation. I started laughing.
And so this was me dealing with (maybe?) the bane of my existence for the past year and a half or so: the fact that I'm gaining weight. And I don't know why. And I can't seem to stop it. I've baffled the nutritionist at Columbia. I've worried the people around me with my slight obsession/mild depression. And I go in to this guy and he laughs at me. He tells me that I'm fine, I'm healthy, and yes, it is possible that cycling could make me gain that much in muscle. And also, stay away from Tasti-D-Lite, they lie about their calories by a factor of 4 or 5 (he knows me so well already!).
Then, at the end, he gave me the kicker: if you want to lose weight, stop cycling. And there it is, the ultimate question. And it isn't even a question. Yes, my body type makes me feel inferior in a city where 2 is the new 4 and 4 is the new 14 (extra points if you know who said this), and shopping isn't quite as fun in SoHo as when I arrived in New York pre-cycling, but really all that is putting me down is my own vanity. And when he put it like that, I knew that it was time to drop it. I may dislike my muscular structure, but I also love love love racing. And I'm sure that I'll continue to struggle with this, but at least I know that I have an answer that lets me continue to do what I love without trying to starve myself or cut out all carbs, even during racing season (seriously, another doctor told me to do that).
And while decidedly not twiggy, I am still a New Yorker. Hi, my name is Shane, my therapist's name is ... Blogger.