1. If you want to make a good impression, don't get s***faced on the first night in a new house with 7 new roommates.
2. It's not a good idea to wear a thong into a hot tub when you don't know the other people on the deck.
3. GLT - Gym-Laundry-Tan.
4. Bartenders do great things.
5. In every hour-long episode of your life, there should be a fight on the boardwalk.
6. Shave at the last minute, haircut the day-of, it's in the Guido handbook, you wanna look fresh.
7. "If a girl's a slut, she should be abused."